The Recipe to Discover why you and your partner are Fighting


Hi everyone! This post will help you discover the reasons why you and your partner are fighting, while making my 3-step chocolate peanut butter bars.


Have you noticed that you and your partner have been fighting a lot more recently? Maybe it started out with some slight bickering or disagreeing. But now you feel like all you are doing is fighting….about everything. Don’t fret. This happens and can be very common. If ultimately you have a healthy relationship and both parties want the relationship to improve, then you can work towards this. And it will get better.


I tell couples all the time that the best thing they can do is find out the reasons WHY you are fighting. That’s the first and most important step to fixing what’s wrong. Use my cooking therapy recipe outlined below to discover the reasons why you are fighting so much. At the end of this recipe, not only will you have both baked some tasty chocolate peanut butter bars, but you will have discovered the reasons why the fighting is happening.

And that’s a good place to start.

Are you wondering what is next? Well, once you know WHY you are fighting you can come up with a plan to work on improving that. The 3 most common reasons couples fight over everyday stuff are:


Reason 1: Not spending enough time together

Reason 2: Not communicating

Reason 3: Not feeling valued


Did you find out that yours is one of these? Great! Now you must work on that. Not spending enough time together? Work on that each week to carve out more time to spend together. Just the two of you. Poor communication the culprit for you? Not to worry. That’s 90% the problem for all couples too. Practice taking time each DAY to sit down and listen to one another. Practice listening and repeating back what your partner said. Then switch and you say something and have them repeat what they heard (not just verbatim what you said.) Often times what you said and what your partner heard and entirely different things. If not feeling valued is what’s going on with the two of you then you need to get back to basics. Work on showing them every day that you love and respect them. With your words, actions, and touch. Kiss before you leave in the morning and when you get home. Touch base throughout the day and ask your partner what you can do to help them. Be more present with them.

But before you get to fixing what’s wrong, fix this recipe and find out what’s wrong.


Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars


  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 2 cups powdered sugar
  • 1 and 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
  • 1 cup creamy peanut butter
  • 3 pkg. (4 oz. each) Semi-Sweet bakeing chocolate, melted in microwave



Directions: Only make this recipe when not currently in a fight! Wait until both sides are calm.

  • Line 13×9-inch pan with aluminum foil, with ends of foil extending over sides for easy lifting out of pan. Ask each other this question: What was the topic of our most recent fight? The fight before that?



  • Microwave butter in large microwaveable bowl until melted. Ask each other this question: Who started the fight? Who started the fight before that?



  • Add sugar, graham crumbs and peanut butter; mix well. Spread onto bottom of prepared pan; cover with melted chocolate. (melt chocolate in microwave on low in 30 second increments until melted. When melting chocolate, do it slowly, stirring after each 30 seconds to prevent burning. Once chocolate is burned you can’t use it.) Ask each other these questions: Do I feel like we communicate well? Do I feel validated in our relationship? Do I feel like we spend enough time together? Make shallow cuts in top of dessert to mark 48 squares. Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm. Use foil handles to remove dessert from pan; cut into squares following scored lines on dessert.



  • Enjoy! Based on the answers to each question at each step of the recipe you should have a better understanding of: 1. the themes of your fights 2. How you feel about the status of your relationship and 3. Is there one partner who is always starting the fights? Now take some time to decide how you both can work towards improving the area in your relationship that is lacking.


pb bars

Photo from Better Home + Gardens